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The Oatmeal Announces “The State of the Web: Spring 2012”

The Oatmeal State of the Web

The Oatmeal Instagram

The Oatmeal Google +

The Oatmeal Kickstarter

The Oatmeal Yahoo

The Oatmeal Google Glasses

(Source: theoatmeal.com)

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Inbredneck Arrested After Posting Photo of Theft to Facebook

Well, another idiot has been made famous by Facebook.

Michael Baker of Jenkins, Kentucky, was arrested Monday for siphoning gas from a cop car.  

This 20 year-old mouth-breather would have gotten away with it too.. if he hadn’t posted a photo of the act on his Facebook page.

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When the photo went viral, Jenkins police came knocking at Baker’s door. 

Of course, this hasn’t stopped Baker from updating his status.

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Baker commented on his own status, saying (you might have to read this a few times to understand it), “yea lol u would just have to seen it it was funny as hell tho.”

Another day that I’m proud to be an American.

Not.

 

 

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Maryland Bans Employers From Demanding Facebook Log-In

Maryland is now the first state to prohibit resident employers from requesting social media usernames and passwords from current and prospecitive employees.

Throughout the United States, job applicants have at times been asked to provide their log-in information to sites like Facebook, knowing they would not be considered for the job if they didn’t surrender those precious few characters.

The ACLU of Maryland brought to light the specific case of Robert Collins applying to a job with the Department of Public Safety and Correctional Services.  According the to the ACLU, “Collins had to sit there while the [interviewer] logged on to his Facebook account and reviewed his messages, wall posts and photos.”

Womp womp.  Can you imagine?  Here’s how that interview would go for me..

Interviewer: You’re password is fergiesucksTERDS42069?

Me: With “terds” in all caps, yes..

Interviewer: I see.  So it looks like your main focus in life is cats.  That’s what I’m seeing here.

Me: Uh, I mean, I do like cats.  I think cats are funny?  I guess.  But that’s not-

Interviewer: And you went to Ithaca College? I see very few photos of you studying during that time.

Me: Well yeah, I mean, no one took photos of study ses-

Interviewer: Your resume says you’re proficient in photoshop.  I see you’ve demonstrated that ability quite a few times on Facebook.  Did you make this photo of your boss marrying a cat?

Me: Heh.. yeah.. you see, he thinks cats are funny too-

Interviewer: I think we’re done here.

Illinois and California are next on the list of states considering such legislation.

So, this means that it’s still legal in New York?

*immediately deletes all information in Facebook account*

If my boss asks, I was never here.

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End of the World Event on Facebook


Ladies and gents, the end of the world is coming.  Again.

This time, we’re all going to be ready.  Because we’ve all been invited.


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Event:
The End of the World

Date: Friday, December 21, 2012

Place: Planet Earth, Every Street

Event Type: Public

Created By: God  Mayanists  Shane Jones
 
 

Here’s what we can take away from the diverse group of crazies that are “Attending” The End of the World Event on Facebook.

The end of the world “effects” everyone. The exception being Chuck Norris.

The event will not be catered.

This is going to be the Party-to-End-All-Parties.

The world actually ended some 40 years ago, and we’re all in a dark auditorium watching a prerecorded movie of the dreams of a dozen writers.



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Facebook Causes Problems For This Effin Lady


When you think of a classy establishment, you think of Facebook, right?

But perhaps Facebook is too classy.

Ann Marie Kennedy, a lovely Irish woman with a heart o’ gold and hair as bright as the sunset, was blacklisted from the social networking site.

Ms. Kennedy was setting up her Facebook profile page when she was informed that the name of her hometown—Effin, Ireland—was offensive.

Not amused with Facebook’s ignorance, Ms. Kennedy started a Facebook group: ‘Please get my hometown Effin recognized’.  Fail.

Outraged, Kennedy spoke out against Facebook, saying, ”I’m from Effin.  I’m a proud Effin woman.  And I always will be an Effin woman.”

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Gents, I am infuriated.  How dare Facebook act as though it has more important things to do than make a list of every city with less than 1000 inhabitants?  How dare Facebook try sensor curse words?  Censorship is for horses.

I stand behind Ms. Kennedy on her quest for Effin justice.  Who will join me?!  *raises styrofoam sword*



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Tags: facebook effin
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If Facebook Had Existed Throughout History..


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A Nation Gives Thanks on Facebook


The U.S. Military Facebook page is celebrating Veteran’s Day with a campaign called ”A Nation Gives Thanks”.  Facebook users can leave personal messages to active and retired members of the military.  For those who don’t wish to personalize a message, a thank you message to the entire U.S. Military can be submitted.

The Facebook page keeps track of the amount of thanks submitted in real-time.  This image was created when the amount of thanks was at 33,767.  By the end of this post the count was at 34,085.

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Hearing Begins for Man Who Used Facebook While Burglarizing


Jackson police reported in August that a local man logged onto his Facebook page while robbing a business.

To which we all responded, “duuuuuuuude.”

Mississippi police were led to Andrew Smith, 30, when his Facebook page was found open on a computer at the scene.  Smith was charged with 2 counts of business burglary.

Smith’s preliminary hearing was held yesterday.  I wonder if Smith’s lawyer can still look her children in the eyes.

Burglary of a business carries a maximum seven year prison sentence.  Facebook asininity carries no prison sentence.  Unfortunately.

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Customizing Your Facebook Photostrip


If you’re looking for an extra method to help brand your company, consider editing the photostrip on your Facebook page.





Use PhotoShop, Paint, or Pixlr to create a minimum of 5 images with a size of 97x68 pixels.  Make the images simple in design, so they don’t take away from your profile picture.  Upload the images to Facebook, where they will immediately become your photostrip pics. 

As you continue to add new photos to Facebook over time, the custom images you created will get pushed out of the strip to make room for the most recent ones.  To prevent this, hover your mouse over the photos you don’t want in your photostrip until a small x appears in the upper right corner.  Click the x to remove the unwanted photos from your customized photostrip.

Change the images as often as you wish, to coincide with sales, specials, and holidays

Keep in mind! You cannot control the order of the photostrip photos.  Each time the Facebook page is refreshed, the 5 images will change order.  Keep this in mind when designing them.  Don’t make a boo-boo like this:





I believe this is supposed to say HyperArts.  So why does it say HerAyps RT? 

Well guess what HyperArts, I’m not comfortable with ReTweeting Her Rapist.  Find another sucker.

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And in the end, Stephen gave in to the ways of his elders.  For this was the way it always had been, and the way it always would be.  Stephen knew that before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos.  And perhaps, later, at dinnertime..  there would be casserole.

And in the end, Stephen gave in to the ways of his elders.  For this was the way it always had been, and the way it always would be.  Stephen knew that before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos.  And perhaps, later, at dinnertime..  there would be casserole.

Tags: facebook
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Facebook Changes We Actually Want to See


Zuckerberg keeps switching things up on Facebook, much to the dismay of his Facebook junkies.  To straighten him out, Cool Material has derived a short list of Facebook modifications users might actually appreciate.



















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COO of Facebook Sheryl Sandberg and I Drift Apart


Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, one of Fortune’s 50 Most Powerful Women in Business, and I have a lot in common.  Or at least I thought.

We’re both in the social media field, we’re both mad foxy, and we’re 2 of the most powerful women in the world. (I juuuust missed list as #51.)


But Sandberg caught me offguard recently with a statement to USA Today on how extreme her social media drive really is. 

“I think every small business should be using technology, they should be using all of the Web technologies, and they should be using Facebook,” said Sandberg.

Okay, I agree.  Good work, Sheryl.


Sandberg continues, ”So we’re not going to stop until everyone is using [Facebook] to grow their business.”

Errr hold up, girlfriend.


Sandberg is not saying she would like all businesses to use Facebook.  She is saying that Facebook will not stop (stop what?!) until they all are.

That’s a little monopolistic, isn’t it Sher?


And there’s another difference between us.  USA Today hates Sheryl Sandberg (apparently). 

You see, Sheryl Sandberg is actually a pretty lady, shown here with her Facebook pally Mark Zuckerberg.

Sheryl Sandberg Mark Zuckerberg

See, she’s normal-looking!


And yet, USA Today chose this stillframe to display for her video interview. 

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Uncool, USA Today.  I’m quite sure Sandberg doesn’t make a habit of attempting to eat her own nose. 

Unlike Sheryl, USA Today has never blatantly hated on me in an interview.  Hopefully they don’t start, either.. because wow.. they can be cruel.

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(Source: endlessorigami.com)

Tags: facebook